50 reasons why not to read 50 shades of gray

   

I remember that time last August, when I came to USA, and heard about its national best seller – 50 shades of grey trilogy. For those of you not informed, it had become a best seller, bigger than the Bible or Harry Potter. Which I think its UNACCEPTABLE. Why it was such a huge hit? Because it is an erotic, controversial book. Now, lets make this thing clear. I am not against this book because it is erotic, or whatever. I consider myself extremely open-minded person and someone who loves to read. First, I was judging this trilogy by its cover and reviews. Then I read it, and judged it even harder. I am not going to push it too far and say who is targeted by this book, I am keeping that humble opinion to myself. But I will push it far enough and say that you cannot read this book and say it’s a masterpiece. Or that you know contemporary literature, and only thing you have ever read is 50 Shades of grey and Cosmopolitan advices how to get over facebook break-up and make your hair look like Rihanna. Stopping hypocrisy right here

While all of you enjoy reading this trilogy, and all of you wondering should you read it or not, let me give you 50 reasons why not to read 50 shades of grey.

1) It started as Twilight fan fiction. Yes, really. For the record, this should never, ever be the inspiration for a book. “I ate a really good sandwich” would be better. Even “I was so moved by the collected works of the cast of The Jersey Shore I decided to put in it words” is more acceptable. “I read Twilight and wanted to make an erotic version of it” is not.
2) “Oh my” is a too cheesy and way to often mentioned in the book.
3) The author doesn’t know what “subconscious” means.
4) There are tones of better books to read.
5)  I don’t get it: is she is employee or his girlfriend?

-6)  If she was really smart, she’d have asked for stock.

-7) Explain to me how someone’s eyes can be “smoldering embers”. Without sounding stupid.
-8)  Apparently one book ends and the other  just starts and there’s no real transition between them.
-9) The female protagonist says “Holy cow!” 84 times throughout the trilogy. Which, you know, is an expression 20-somethings often use. (Also, this Amazon review has compiled other phrases that are overused in the book. It is delightful.)
-10)  I bet not even this Christian Grey fellow can get into the secret room above Tavern Law.
- 11) I have to do laundry.
- 12) I’m worried it will make me regret being literate.
- 13) No self-respecting tech mogul in Seattle would buy a woman an Apple computer.
- 14) On that note, why is she a college student without a computer? How does that even happen?
-15) Stupid stories stay with me far longer than good ones. I’m afraid that this book will haunt my dreams.
16) Because when you think about it, life is really short. Way to short for this book/
-17) Where do they find the time to have all this sex (and not-sex)? It’s been my personal

belief that entrepreneurs are really busy.
-18) I’m really, really sick of female protagonists who are virgins, waiting to give it up to the perfect guy. Way to cheesy.

19) The book actually aspires submission of women. Its like… HELLO, where is feminism?

20)Someone’s mouth cannot “quirk up”. That is not a thing.
-21) I don’t think loving a person means you should want to change them.
-22) Twilight-author Stephanie Meyer has refused to read it. And it’s not like that woman is a literary snob.
-23)Billionaires aren’t in their 20s. And if they are, they aren’t single. Or drop-dead gorgeous. Instead, they’re stressed-out and sleep-deprived and have terrible diets. Wait, was this fiction, or fantasy?
-24) It actually contains this line: “My inner goddess is doing the dance of the seven veils.” In the author’s defense, that is comedic gold. Unfortunately, the book is not supposed to be comedic.
-25) The book is set in both Seattle and Vancouver. The author has never been to Seattle. Or Vancouver.  What happened with the gold rule – write about something you actually know about? New rule: you have to visit this town at least once before setting a novel her
26) I’d be way more interested if he was the submissive. #NONOTACTUALLY
-27)  He says she can’t snack between meals? DEALBREAKER. You can't simultaneously love someone and tell them they can't have snacks.

28)  I cannot imagine his board of directors would be cool with any of his behavior.
29) Why does preferring a BDSM lifestyle automatically necessitate that you had to have a fucked-up childhood? Again, way to cheesy.
30) Game of Thrones is a way better book. Ask the entire world.

31)  I’m scared I might like it a little. Wait, no. Not really.

32) If you have nothing else the read think of the Harry Potter. Or Lord of the Rings. Or just watch movies.

33) If you actually want to read erotic novels, I am pretty sure you can find better ones.

34) This book is meant to desperate 40+ housewives with no sex life. #thereisaidit

35) RED ROOM OF PAIN. Enough said.

36) I could actually watch some cooking show and learn how to cook.

37) Women submission? No way.

38) Ellen DeGeneres hates the book. Do you even doubt Ellen?

39) Do not try at home anything written in the book :D
40) Judge it by the covers and dont buy it.- 

41) This book is not deep. Actually, that depends on the context.

42) Even if your passion lies with erotic literature, I am sure you can find way less cheesy one.

43) If you are feeling lonely, dont warm yourself with this book. Get a pet.

44) Go out. Take a walk. Exercise and stay fit.

45) Because readers deserve better. Even if they are 40+ no sex life housewives.

46) Because Seattle deserves better.

47) Because America deserves better.

48) Because the world and literature deserve better.
49)Because erotic fiction really deserves better.
50) Because if I really want a good love story about an adorably disheveled Seattle CEO and the absolute mess of a woman that he loves, I need look no further than my own life. You just need to swap out the whips and chains and ball gags and violent sex for cupcakes and cuddling on the couch. Long live the romance and Jane Austen.